Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
