brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
