a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
