Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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