Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
