i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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