he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
