so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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