if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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