Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
