That's intense
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
