dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
