The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
