Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
