I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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