I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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