i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
