Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
