My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
