If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize