so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
