my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
