I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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