Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
