Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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