I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
