this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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