I murdered the dance floor call the cops
they need to just BURY HIM!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
