I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
