Heybabeimwearingurpanties
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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