Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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