Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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