I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
