i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
