I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
