Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
