At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
