weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You've changed since you got that strap on
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
