How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
