Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
