I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
