I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
