i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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