I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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