i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
