Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
