I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
