my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He did a backflip because drugs
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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