I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
