you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
