He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
