Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
its liver damage thursday
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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