This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
