You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
