She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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