dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
