I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
