he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
