I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
