i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
