oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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