I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
