Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
