There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
