4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
