Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
