he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
