is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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