Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
