I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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