So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
