Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
