stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
