Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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