Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Couch. On fire.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
