You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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