great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just forgot I was standing up.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Panties = found
Randomize
