Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
