DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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