Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
