I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You are the jesus of drinking
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
