I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
