You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
