LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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