my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think my vagina is haunted
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
