haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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